i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
