Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
