I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
