Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize