Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
