I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize