Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Panties = found
Randomize
