Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
