i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
