Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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