I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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