someone threw a dead crab at me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
