i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
