Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
