i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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