Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize