sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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