Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
