You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
