I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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