I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
