Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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