OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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