youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
