I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
