Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
