I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
