i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
