Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
