tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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