I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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