I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
