i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
