i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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