If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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