I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
