She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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