Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
