I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
