and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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