Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
