I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
