just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
