i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
