You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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