If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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