Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
