i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
