Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i came on her dog
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
