It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
