the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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