My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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