What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
