Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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