My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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