"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
