who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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