Is it because I queefed?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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