I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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