Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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