So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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