Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
