I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize