THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
