plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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