They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize