Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
