This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
