You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
